So, this is my Blog, my thoughts / feelings / ideas. You may comment if you like. If you attack me, I come back at you with reckless / racist / suicidal abandon. If you compliment me, I thank you. If you don't ever visit again I don't care. Other than that, just enjoy what I write, or not.

LIU - Look It Up!


Sunday, February 27, 2011

When you know the machine is broken

Please note - this post can get me fired!

That is my final conclusion. The company I work for is so fucked up they have lost control, and I task anyone to sow me differently. And don't refer me to their share price, and market value, etc. it is functionally broken. Share prices and market perspectives are manipulative, and I think that is the only space where my employer is now a market leader.

So why do I say so? Well, I have been employed by ths company since December 1995, and have seen the changes, and know that in 95% of the time these changes have had to do with cost cutting and profit manipulation, and nothing to do with improvement of business and business processes. One of the worst ideas that was ever muted in the past 20 years if "off shoring" and "consolidation of services". Check it out. If you live in the UK, you can't just walk into your local bank to discuss an issue. You have to first call the help line. This is answered by some fucking illiterate moron residing in India, who thinks they can speak English, and who, in reality, have no idea what to do for you if the discussion does not follow the sheet in front of them!

But that's not my concern. Business functions like commissions payments have been off shored. Ours is done by some morons residing in Bratislava!?! WTF? Why? Well mainly because they will do it for such a low salary that the company can cut massive costs out of their bill. So what if they keep fucking it up, month after month, don't respond to emails, and when you phone them, are unable to give you an update? Who cares? I mean, they owe me around ZAR 250k in commissions, and the longer it sits in the company's bank account, the more interest it earns them! Double whammy - more to the bottom line!!!!

Processing of contracts, and loading them into the system is done in Bratislava. Great. So how do they implement controls on this? With ever changing and increasing questions sheets. Before you would sign a contract, take it to the project office, discuss the detail with them, check all the mandatory, and get it loaded. Now they have question sheets. It was "7 questions", then "10 questions", and at last look it is now "12 questions". So whats the problem I hear you say? Well lets see - one of the questions is - Does this client require invoicing against a Purchase order number? if you say ye, they wont load the contract till you have the order number. However, the client will not issue an order number till he has a copy of the signed contract returned to him for him to process in his system when requesting the PO, so now what? Well, it's quite simple, you put NO in the answer block, and lie!

So, Bratislava, and the Indians, and no doubt any of the other "off shored business" service providers have not been selected for their efficiencies, or locations, but rather because mostly they will work for so little remuneration that it makes the bottom line look so much better.

So I signed a contract with a top client, here in sunny SA. Not just a signing, but a considerable win back, and retainment of a client we were about to lose. Lost of back patting and congratulation on that one. So, the fact that I still have not been paid my commissions for it aside, we fucked it up, didn't we?! The wrong machine is bought for the solution! And we try to blame the client? Then we not too sure who should pay for the upgrade - we are talking about an impact to the business of ZAR2k / month, on a ZAR442k / month contract! DO the sums - it's a fucking no brainer giuys! You say to us "We want you to work here and conduct yourselves as if it was your own business" - and in theory this is a good principle - well, if this was my own business I would do the upgrade, jkeep my client happy - AND not have a process that will take 4 - 6 weeks to approve and get ZAR80k of parts - DO ME A FUCKING FAVOUR GIYS! WE ARE THE MARKET LEADERS IN TECHNOLOGY (or so we say) and it takes 4 - 6 weeks to approve a cailtal expense of ZAR80k??? FUCK OFF MORONS!!!!!!

SO, what has this done? it's fucked my relationship with the client! I have explained what happened, as best I can work out. All he cares about is when is his machine going to be ready - and rightly so! So I am left chasing a fix. Not the cunt that fucked the solution, not the bitch that runs the local business - she has no fucking clue whats going on, never mind how to fix it (dumb blonde), and not the account manager - no, me, the salesman, cause I want to make sure that a) this deal does not go belly up and  don't get my comm. and b) I want future business from the client.

The above is but a small indicator of how broken this business is. Management are selected on their capacity and capability to "suck it up"! Nothing to do with managing people. If you know how to kiss arse, and drive a business unit with a spreadsheet, you got he job! When you can rate  the salesman who brings in 170% of his target, and who is solely responsible for you department makingg their number for the year - as the WORST performer amongst his peers for the year - and get away with it - YOU got to know the process is fucked up!!!!!

When oyu have a situation where a client is being billed for a service, and is possibly going to try and cancel his contract - to say "well he should have read and checked the contract before he signed it" is soooo fucked up. Last client we piulled a move on took us to court - AND WON u stupid FUCK!!! And stop for a minute and try and fix this, don't tell me you have to get the other syuff out because that is a new signing for you? How the fuck you going to deliver their shit if you don't even have this shit in place yet?

Man, if I ever write a book......



Bruthafromanothamutha said...

if you ever write a book I'll buy it - I now am coming up on 28 years with this company of ours and its so fucked it scares me and i havent even started to talk about our outsourcing business...............
I mean our business and you know what I mean - it runs differently in every friggin country and it shouldnt and overriding every decision is some damn bean counter that is either younger than I am or happens to be politically correct for the role even though he or she has not got a fucking clue
Amen Wreckless

Fishman said...

It is so sad. I see them losing clients cause they say you lot is impersonal and do not give a shit about customer relations. If that is what people think of you then I am afraid it is all going to be downhill.

Divemaster Dad said...

I hear you all, and I sympathise because I agree with every word.

You know what scares me most? The fact that our managers aren't jumping the sinking ship like the rats they mostly are. Could it be that they are not aware that the ship is going down, or is it just that they know that they would not get another job based on current track history, in a different organisation?

WV = habliabs (hubbly bubblies?)