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Friday, January 28, 2011

Afrikaans joke with English translation

Dit is wat gebeur as 'n vrou haar man saamsleep om inkopies te doen.
'n Brief van Pick & Pay Stellenbosch

Geagte Mev. Kruger,

Ons winkel is van plan om u gesin uit ons winkel te verban, tensy u man nie met sy streke ophou nie. Onderaan is 'n lys van al die streke wat hy aangevang het. Ons kameras het hulle oor die laaste maande geverifieer.

MEMO - Van Sekuriteitsafdeling

15 Dinge wat Mnr.. Francois Kruger aangevang het terwyl sy vrou inkopies doen.

1 Junie
Het 24 boksies kondome gevat en hulle in ander kliente se mandjies gegooi terwyl hulle nie kyk nie.
2 Julie
Al die wekkers in Houseware ingestel om met 5 minute tussenposes af te gaan.
13 Julie
Het 'n tamatiesous spoor op die vloer gelos tot by die tampon rakke..
24 Julie
Na 'n werknemer in Houseware gestap en haar in 'n amptelike stem gese: "Kode 3" .... en toe gewag om te sien wat gaan gebeur.
5 Augustus
Het na die Dienstoonbank geloop en gevra of hy 'n sakkie M&M's op lay-buy kon sit.
6 Sept
Het die "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" bordjie na die matte afdeling geneem.
17 Sept
Het 'n tent in die Kampafdeling opgerig en vir kliente uitgenooi om in te kom as hulle kussings van die Beddegoedafdeling sal bring..
28 Sept
Toe 'n assistent hom vra of sy hom kan help, het hy begin huil en hardop geskree: "Hoekom kan julle mense my nie uitlos nie?"
9 Okt
Het reguit in die sekuriteitskamera gekyk asof dit 'n spieel is, in sy neus gekrap, en iets toe geeet.
10 Nov
Terwyl hy gewere in die jagafdeling gehanteer het, vra hy die assistent, waar kry jy die anti-depressante?
11 Des
Pyl orals in die winkel rond op 'n baie verdagte manier, terwyl hy hardop die tema van "Mission Impossible" neurie.
22 Des
In die Auto department het hy sy "Madonna look" geoefen deur verskeie groote tregters te gebruik.
31 Des
Het homself in die klererak weggesteek en dan terwyl kliente deur die klere kyk, uitgeroep "PICK ME!", "PICK ME!"
4 Jan
Toe 'n aankondiging oor die luidspreker kom, het hy in die fetale posisie gegaan en geskree "NEE! NEE! Dis weer daai stemme!"
15 Jan
Hy het in 'n klere aanpaskamer gegaan, die deur gesluit, 'n tyd lank gewag en toe baie hardop uitgeroep:
"DAARS NIE TOILET PAPIER HIER NIE!!!!

English Translation:-
This is what happens when a woman forces her husband to accompany her on grocery shopping days.....
A letter from Pick & Pay Stellenbosch

Dear Mrs. Kruger,

Our shop is planning to ban your family from our premises, unless your husband agrees to stop his pranking.
Below is a list of all the things he has been getting up to, caught by our security cameras, over the past few months.

15 Things that Mr. F Kruger did whilst his wife was shopping:-

1 Junie
Took 24 boxes of condom's and placed them into other shoppers baskets while they were not looking
2 Julie
Got all the employees in Housewares to take breaks of 5 minutes intervals.
13 Julie
Left a trail of tomato sauce all down the aisles leading to the Tampon shelf
24 Julie
Walked over to a worker in House ware's and said in an Official sounding voice,"Code 3" .... and then waited to see what would happen
5 Augustus
Went to the service desk and inquired about taking a packet of M&M's on lay bye?
6 Sept
Moved the "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to the carpets section of the store
17 Sept
Pitched a tent in the camping section, and invited other shoppers to join him in there if they brought their own pillows
28 Sept
When approached by an assistant with an offer to help, started to cry, and shouted out "Why can you people not leave me alone?!
9 Oct
Looked directly into one of the security cameras, as if it was a mirror, picked his nose, and ate something.....
10 Nov
Whilst looking at, and handling firearms in the hunting department, asked the assistant where the anti-depressants were.....
11 Des
Moved around the centre, looking very suspicious, whilst humming the tune to "Mission Impossible"
22 Des
In the Auto department, he worked on his "Madonna look" by placing funnels of various sizes under his shirt
31 Des
Hid himself in a clothes rack, and then as shoppers were looking through the clothing, would shout out "PICK ME!", "PICK ME!"
4 Jan
After an announcement over the loudspeaker system, fell to the floor, curled up in a fetal position shouting "NO! NO! it's the voices again!"
15 Jan
Went into a fitting room in the clothing section, closed the door, waited a long time, and then shouted in a very loud voice:
"THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!!!


Salagatle!

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