THE BEST Put Down LINE EVER

For those that don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'
General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently. Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radiocast went silent for 46 seconds and when it returned, the interview was over.

Salagatle!

A dream hand

In poker there are dream hands. If you don't know what I am talking about, LIU!
Here is a print out of an actual play that went down recently on Piggs. A friend of mine is one of the players, and the eventual winner. Understand that the players named are really good, don't scare off easily, and will "ship" at any time if they have the "nuts". (Oh,please, just LIU!)

Check this hand:
Me
AK
Himself85 QQ
Chrono-Naut
JJ

Dealing Hole Cards (These are the cards the relevant player gets, in this instance my friend)Kd Ac
PokerQ raised for R8
himself85, you have 10 seconds to respond
himself85, you have 5 seconds to respond
himself85 raised for R18
sab050 folded
johnnybij folded
DirtyHarold, you have 10 seconds to respond
DirtyHarold folded
Chrono-Naut called for R26
PokerQ called for R18
Dealing the Flop
Qc Ah Jc
Chrono-Naut bet for R42
PokerQ went all-in for R79.70
himself85, you have 10 seconds to respond
himself85 went all-in for R330.32
Chrono-Naut went all-in for R130
R158.32 returned to himself85
Dealing the Turn(10c )
Dealing the River(Kc )
PokerQ wins R307.40 with a Royal Flush, Clubs
himself85 wins R87.68 with a Straight, Ace high
Chrono-Naut wins R87.69 with a Straight, Ace high

The only down side was the Poker Queen didn't have more money at the table. Had she met the others pots, she would have won the whole pot. If she had more money, and she punted, there is a good chance that she would have won a hell of a lot more.
Well done PQ - It's fantastic. And thanks for sending the printout!!

Salagatle!

Summer is almost here

Summer is almost here! Nothing like the thought of sunshine, a backyard braai, a cold beer and maybe a SEXY naked blonde doing the Braai! Have a Supa Day !

Blue Bulls Dancing girl

Salagatle!

Your Home

Your House As Seen By: Yourself...

Your Buyer...
Your Bank...

Your Appraiser...





South African Revenue Services …

Salagatle!

At school

The boys are pushing and shoving in the tuckshop queue: and then the tuckshop teacher hears one of the boys say "jou ma se @#*$"
She is outraged - and sends him off to the headmaster's office.
The headmaster asks him: "So what did you say?"

"Nuuthing Meneer"

The teacher heard you swearing"

"No Meneer"

"Well, What did you say?"


"Meneer - the guys was out of order.. So I jus tol them 'you maasen poesh'

Salagatle!

Typical

Ain't that the truth

In the beginning God created day and night. He created days for Rugby matches, going to the beach and Braai’s .
He created night for going fishing,sleeping and Braai’s, and God saw that it was good.
On the Second Day, God created water - for surfing, - swimming and Braai’s on the beach ,and God saw that it was good.
On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - - to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for Braai’s, and God saw that it was good.
On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and fish for Braai’s, and God saw that it was good.
On the Fifth day God created an Ou (bloke) - to go to the Rugby, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat, fish and prawns at Braai's, and God saw that it was good.
On the Sixth Day God saw that the Ou was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the braai with. So God created Maats (mates), and God saw that they were good Ous, and God saw that it was good.
On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling braai fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Ous. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good ... ..
Well. . Almost good.
He saw that the Ous were too tired to clean up and needed a rest. So God created Chicks to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Braai, and then God saw that it was not just good.
It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome!

IT WAS South Africa!!!!

Salagatle!

"AFRIKAANS IS BETER"

Krisjan : "Goeie more. Maak vol met Super, asseblief."
Attendant : "How much?"
Krisjan : "Vol asseblief."
Attendant: "I only speak English Sir!"
Krisjan : "Noooo problem.... Good day to you, Sir.
I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorized vehicle. Therefore, I cordially request you to transfer, from your subterranean reservoir, a sufficient quantity of combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim."
Attendant: "Hau!" ?
Krisjan : "Do you have a problem Sir? I thought you said you spoke English?"
Attendant: "English..... that? she is not English!"
Krisjan : "My dear Sir, are you veritably attempting to insinuate that you do not even recognize the language which you allege to be your singular means of communication?"
Attendant : "Hau?"
Krisjan : "Let me attempt to elucidate in the most elementary terms your paltry grasp of the English vernacular is frittering away the time at my disposal, or, as I would put it, in a more civilized, intelligible language.... Dit is fokken duidelik dat jy FOKKOL van Engels weet. So, kry jou slapgat in rat en maak hierdie bliksemse kar se tank vol voordat ek hier uitklim en jou moer, want jy mors my donnerse tyd!!!!!!!!! Verstaan jy nou?!!"
Attendant: "Ja,Meneer. Vol,Meneer! Afrikaans is beter, Meneer!"

Salagatle!

In the news today....

Condom Factory burns down in Australia!

Kevin Rudd, Prime Minister of Australia, is awoken at 4am by the
telephone.

Kevin, it's the health Minister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency!!! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Sydney has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire Australian supply of condoms will be gone by the end of the week!

PM: 'SH!T!!! - the economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - we'll be ruined!!'

Health Minister: 'We're going to have to ship some in from....Britain?'

PM: 'No chance!! The Poms will have a field day on this one!!'

Health Minister: 'What about South Africa ?'

PM: 'I'll call SA - tell them we need ten million condoms; ten inches long and eight inches thick!! That way they'll continue to respect the wallabies!'

Three days later a delighted Kevin rushes out to open the boxes. He finds ten million condoms, 10 inches long, 8 inches thick, all coloured green and gold with small writing on each one...

MADE IN South Africa
SIZE: Small

Salagatle!

Bikes and bits and stuff

Some of you will recall my post on the Aprilia Europa 125 I built up for GMan for his 16th birthday.Part 1 and Part 11

Above photo taken just before we o loaded it up to take to the shop

And some of you will recall the Aprilia RS 250 (basket case) I bought some time ago to rebuild. Refer here:- RS 250, and More RS 250

The above photo excludes all the loose bits and pieces....

So, GMans bike served him well. We had some problems with it, but overall it was a great bike for him. However, since he has his car driving license, (and a car) he does not ride it anymore. And we have not been successful at selling it.
The RS 250, well, I'm not sure I'm ever going to have the time, and / or patience to rebuild it. Apart from which, even though they run well when they do, they are also finiky (LUI) and can cost quite a bit to keep going.
SO, last week I stop off at a new bike shop I've noticed on the way to work. Had a chat to the owner, and told him about the above 2 bikes. He seemed keen on the 125, and said he'd look at the 250. Then I walked around his shop, and noticed two very old, but ok, Honda XR 200's. I mentiond that these would be great for the boys to play with on the farm. He offered a straight swap! I asked his lakey to start them, and they started first kick! He rode ona around. Engine sounds great, even if it's old, and the body work is a bit crappy.

Done. Saturday I loaded the two bikes onto a trailer, went down to the bike shop, as soon as he saw the 125 he said, Done! He unloaded the trailer, and got his guy to load up the two 200's.

Above is the "cleaner" one of the two, also starts easier and runs ok. Will need some tuning, but we leaving the rest as is.
This one looks a bit more abused, and we have not got it to start yet, but it's a basic machine and we will get it sorted soon.

So, while I'm at the bike shop doing the swap, I get a call from a mate who says someone at their school, (he's the maintenance manager of a larny private school) has two old bikes parked for years in one of the garages. He's been asked to move them as the school needs the space. So he's looking for offers. If I had the cash flow, I'd probably take them, but then maybe it's just as well I don't. Anyway, I went and had a look at them, and took these pics.

Ducati 500 sport.

Moto Guzzi

Now, the number plates are still yellow "T" registrations, and the licenses indicate they were last renewed circa 1991..... I decided to discuss them with the guy at the bike shop where i did my deal. He's keen, and said he'd give me a finders fee. So I have put him in touch with the current owner. Maybe he'll get them real cheap.

So, that's the news on the bikes.

Salagatle!

Final on the poker news

So, last night at 19h00 I sat down for the continuation of the ZAR2 million game I was playing the night before.
I wasn't in too bad a position, but could have been better. I was very low stacked though, and was seated at a table with some of the top stacks in tournament. In fact on either side of me the guys had 50k and more chips.
I lasted 48 minutes, which is a lot longer than some of the guys who had more chips than I did, but eventually the blinds eroded my stack to 20k, and I picked a hand for all in, K hearts Q hearts, and shipped. The big blind next to me called with A J, and hit an Ace, and that was the end of my game.
To that point I hadn't got one descent hand with which to play, and in fact had folded every single Big and Small blind due to crap cards and raises on my blinds.
However, I did manage to finish 128th, beating at least 75% of the players who started this tournament, no mean feat by any means!!
Would have been nice to have stayed in longer, and nicer to have finished in the money, but that's poker.
My position - 128. Tsvina - highlighted in the R/H screen was the player who folded his big blind to me so that I could stay in the satellite game, and win this seat.

Salagatle!

Update on Some poker news

So, as per previous post, I won a seat into the ZAR2million game. It kicked off last night at 7pm, and I wasn't even home to start! However, I asked GMan to keep an eye on it, and when I got home the chips were still intact.

Had a bit of a rough game, one or two good hands, but either got called by a donkey, or had to fold to a bully bet (when someone with more money than brains raises the pot to an amount I am not comfortable to call, so have to fold and lose my chips already in the pot).
One player in particular, who is from Cape Town, (where else, most ofd the donks come from CT) kept raising my blinds, and so stealing my chips little by little. I eventually started to chirp him in the chat, and he got seriously pissed off with me, and made a point odf taking eveyone of my blinds.

Starting stack was 15000. I got down to 4000. Then I hit. Doubled up. Hit again, doubled up. 16000 chips and I was back in the game. The guys around me were playing really moggy poker. I folded peasily 36 hands in a row (thats 3 Big blinds and 3 small blinds included) before I would get hands I could play with.

Anyway, I made the break after 3 hours. ANd then the freeze came, at this point I had not rebought (not that I could even if I wanted to), and the top up / Add on came, and went. No rebuy for me there either.
However, I won a few good one's, and got my stack up to 107000!! At this time, the wreckless play stops, and all those financially stable, but mentally retartded players, have to start to play tight. MY KIND OF GAME.

The clown who had been stealing my chips was now weary of me, as I had him stacked (more chips than him).
The crowning glory came when I raised HIS Big Blind, with QQ, and he shipped (all in) and I gad to call another 1500 chips to see him.
And I knocked him out of the game!!!! Beautiful!!!
Then it was back to serious stuff.
Another CT player, who had the night before knocked me out of the ZAR50k game 2 players before the money, Stewart, fell out in 184th place. Bye loser.

Then it was "hold on to the Break. I made it. 12pm, idnight, on the dot, the game stopped. I had made it to day two!!!
Stats:-
Total number of players who entered / started this tournament - 420
Prize pool (guaranteed ZAR2 million) - ZAR2,160,000
Players left at end of day 1 - 174
My position at end of day 1 - 111 (hope that's a good omen)
Chip count at end of day 1 - 71,811

So, I'm still in - with a bit of luck I can stay in, and last till final 15 - then I'm in the money.
Update again tommorrow.

Salagatle!