of the kind of stuff you can read when you bored at this site - Texts from Last Night
Worst Nights of All Time
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Man, and we think we got problems....