So, this is my Blog, my thoughts / feelings / ideas. You may comment if you like. If you attack me, I come back at you with reckless / racist / suicidal abandon. If you compliment me, I thank you. If you don't ever visit again I don't care. Other than that, just enjoy what I write, or not.

LIU - Look It Up!


Friday, October 22, 2010

Let's Just Offend Everyone

Another Friday "Feel good offering":-

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.  A poor homeless man sat there and said, "I've not eaten for two days".
I told him,  "I wish I had your fucking will power"!
TOP TIP:  If you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, ----- it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex.
Wish me luck,  I appear in court next Monday.
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today...
Apparently the instruction  'finish off on her face'  didn't mean what I thought it did.
A fat girl served me food in McDonalds at lunch time, she said, "sorry about the wait".
I said, "don't worry fatty, you are bound to lose it eventually."
Snow in the forecast!  The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself  "fat chance with a face like that!"
I have a new chat up line that works every time!!  It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner; I always end up in bed with them.
Here's how it goes, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion?  Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?"
Years ago it was suggested that 'an apple a day kept the doctor away'.  But since all the doctors are now Muslim,  I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!
I took my Biology exam last Friday.  I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.
Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were not the correct answers.


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