The Motorcycle line up

So this is the line up of bikes at out home. From left to right:-
Aprilia RS125 2004 - LuckyL's bike from me
Kazuma 125 - model unknown, the buke I bought to teach the family to ride on - still going strong
Honda XR200 (No 1) - no papers, not roadworthy, awesome fun machine - Bullet proof!
Honda XR200 (No 2) - no papers, not roadworthy, awesome fun machine - Bullet proof!
Yamaha XJR 1200 - My bike - running, fixed, awesome machine. Only needs new mirrors....
Aprilia RS 125 2009!!! Beautiful piece of machinery - LuckyL's project bike.

For sale:-
Aprilia RS 125 2004 - will discuss aroung ZAR 28k - 30k. Will have all stickers redone in the next few days. Engine recenlty redone by Aprilia Dealership.
Aprilia RS 125 2009 - ZAR44000.00. This bike has 3000km on the clock. Currenlty at Aprilia for a serive. Stunningly beautiful, and 15k below now price!
Kazuma 125 - Will accept offers around ZAR3000. Needs some cosmetic work, but is roadworthy, and runs nice.
XR 200's - everything has a price - talk to me.
Yamaha XJR1200 - well, like I said, everything has a price, just some are higher than others.

Salagatle!

PEOPLE & THEIR DRINKS

A recent magazine survey, interviewed fifty bartenders and they were asked if they could identify a customer’s personality on what drinks they ordered? Although interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
IF WOMEN DRINK THESE DRINKS IN A PUB ... (NOT AT HOME) BEER
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
MIXED DRINKS - NO UMBRELLAS E.G.; GIN AND TONIC / SCOTCH AND SODA
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.
WATER
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don’t.
WINE - (BOTTLED, NOT 4 LITRE CASK)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, MUDSHAKE ETC.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... and you’re in.
SPIRITS SUCH AS CC, WILD TURKEY, SOUTHERN COMFORT
Personality: Watch out, they are unique! A real mixture of personalities. Love to be laid!
Approach: Talk dirty to them whilst challenging them intellectually – you’re in!
CAPE VELVET
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
SHOTS AND SLAMMERS (TEQUILA, VODKA, COWBOYS, AFTERSHOCK ETC.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......
SPIRITS SUCH AS JACKS, BEAM & BUNDY
Personality: Enjoys male company more than females, loves to party hard
Approach: Keep buying them drinks, they’ll think you’re a nice bloke and they are probably trying to work out how to get you to bed!


IF MEN DRINK in a PUB.. (As always, very simple and clear cut.)
CIDER
He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER
He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.
CASTLE LAGER BEER
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
IMPORTED BEER
He’s old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.
GUINNESS
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
WATER
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid
WINE
He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
VODKA OR BRANDY
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
PORT
Thinks he’s sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
WHISKY/JACK DANIELS
He doesn’t give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
JIM BEAM
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into
getting laid.
RUM OR TEQUILA
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
He’s gay (blatantly) - don’t turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

Salagatle!

Just had to post this

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.
"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....
Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Salagatle!

Barry Hilton - One Liners

1. I was so poor growing up… if I wasn’t a boy… I’d have had nothing to play with. 2. A girl phoned me the other day & said, “Come on over; nobody’s home.” I went over. Nobody was home. 3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. 4.. One day I came home early from work… I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?” He said “Because you came home early”. 5. It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning… put a shirt on & a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, & the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom. 6. I was such an ugly kid… When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. 7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster & radio. 8. I was such an ugly baby… My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. 9. I’m so ugly… My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet. 10.. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room & said to my father, “I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through.” 11. I’m so ugly… my mother had morning sickness… AFTER I was born. 12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped & they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. 13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” He said, “I don’t know kid. There’s so many places they can hide.” 14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. 15. I’m so ugly… I worked in a pet shop, & people kept asking how big I’d get. 16. I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up & I look in the mirror… I feel like throwing up; what’s wrong with me?” He said… “I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.” 17. I went to the doctor because I’d swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks & get some rest. 18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me to run off a cliff. 19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favourite bone is my arm. Last night he went on the paper 4 times - 3 of those times I was reading it. 20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. 21. My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. Salagatle!

Brakpan Love Poem - from the Princess

Of Course I Love You Bokkie
I Only Smaak You Dik
You Cook And Clean And Iron My Shirts
And Look After Me Wen I'm Sick

So Your Bum Is Only Big Hey
But I Don't Mind A Bit Of Flab
It Means That When I'm Lekker Jags
There's Somethin There To Grab

So Your Belly Isn't Flat No More
I Tell You, I Don't Care
So Long As When I Druk You
I Can Get My Arms Round There

No Stukkie Who Is Your Age
Has Nice Round Perky Breasts
They Just Gave In To Gravity
But I Know You Did Yor Best

I'm Not Tuning Kak Now
I Never Tell You Lies
But I Think It's Lank Sexy
That You've Got Dimples On Your Thighs

I Swear On My Ouma's Grave Now
The Moment That We Met
I Said To All My Chinas
"Now That's A Lekker Slet"

So No Matter Wot You Look Like
I'll Always Love You Dear
Now Shut Up While The Rugby 's On
And Fetch Me Another Beer!

Salagatle!

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Salagatle!