Pasop vir die Boere! (Watch out for the boers!)

Barack Obama was sitting in his office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.
"Howzit, Barack!" a voice in broken English said. "This is Koos Vannermerwe (van der Merwe) here from the Doringboom (Thorntree) Bar in Welkom , South Africa . I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you, boet (brother)!"

"Well, Koos," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Koos, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Jan, my next-door neighbour Lang Hannes, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight of us!"

Barack paused. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Blikkiesfontein!" said Koos. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day, Koos called again. "Barack, my china, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Koos?" Barack asked.

"Well, we have four Hilux double-cabs, two kombis, an old Case bulldozer, and Vet Gert's John Deere tractor".

Barack sighed. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1,5 million since we last spoke."

"Liewe erdvark! (Dear Anteater) " said Koos. "I'll have to get back to you..." Sure enough, Koos rang again the next day. "Barack, ou swaer, (old brother-in-law) the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Doepie's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four okes from the Virginia Hengelklub (Fishing club)have joined us as well!"

Barack was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Koos, I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Slaat my dood!(Beat me to death)", said Koos, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Koos called again the next day. "Jis, jis, jis, Barack! I am sorry to tell you that we've had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Koos, "we've all had a long chat over some klippies (Klipdrift Brandy) and coke, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!"

Salagatle!