One of SA's favourite stand up comedians is Barry Hilton. I've seen one of his live shows, and he's fantastic.
Here are some of his lines:-
1. I was so poor growing up. If I wasn't a boy. I'd have had nothing to play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day & said, "Come on over: nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work. I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early."
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning put a shirt on and the button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such and ugly kid. When I played in sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breastfed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend
9. I'm so ugly. My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm so sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
11. I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid.There's so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join the bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly. I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror. I feel like throwing up: what's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can get my kite in the air?" he told me to run off a cliff.
19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is my arm. Last night he went on the newspaper 4 times - 3 of those times I was reading it
20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.
21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap: he was in the electric chair.
Thanx Seaman for the email.
Salagatle!
3 comments:
Vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote, vote
Hmmmm, I wonder if I should vote. . .
Those were quite funny. :-)
Jeannine look what happened to the maid, I think it is better to vote than get the boot ???????????????
But I would like to see better questions
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