1995 - Rugby World Cup. Princess went to the Comoros Island with a bunch of girlfriends. But now this trip has more meaning for me than ever before.
2008 - Were you working? Really?
2010 - Late night chats, with emailed apologies.
2012 - Dinner with a friend, or not.
2013 - 2015 - More of the same. That gut feel that I was ignoring.
2015 - Dinner with a friend, or not.
2015 - The end of the now, and the beginning of the next. And a prayer for the salvation of souls.
Related words:-
Trust
Self-Respect
Dis-respect
Honour
Covenant
Faith
Hope
This blog is not going to make much sense to anyone reading it. Suffice to say, this has a lot of meaning for me. And I want to make sure these dates remain in my memory for a long time.
Salagatle!
LIU - Look It Up!
-->Thursday, December 17, 2015
We don't talk anymore
I wrote this poem in 2012. I never dreamed that it would mean so much. But reality is, I was not listening to my gut, and that's my fault. I just trust and hope that I will get a chance to to fix that which is broken!
We don't talk anymore
Like we got nothing in common
nothing to discuss and share
Other then the daily niceties
Good morning is met with
A meaningless Mumble
And good night is no longer
A kiss and a hug
We don't talk anymore
Cause I'm scared we start fighting
I have a bad feeling inside
That this is all going to end
Maybe we past talking
Maybe it's just a bad place
But if left unattended
It's going to be too late
Work, kids and finances
Are what keeps me down
But maybe you don't see that
What do you think is wrong?
We don't talk anymore
And that's really bad
Cause it's taking us further apart
And will leave us in despair.
Talk to me, even if it's bad
One way or another we
Have to address the issues
We got to get this sorted.
Salagatle!
We don't talk anymore
Like we got nothing in common
nothing to discuss and share
Other then the daily niceties
Good morning is met with
A meaningless Mumble
And good night is no longer
A kiss and a hug
We don't talk anymore
Cause I'm scared we start fighting
I have a bad feeling inside
That this is all going to end
Maybe we past talking
Maybe it's just a bad place
But if left unattended
It's going to be too late
Work, kids and finances
Are what keeps me down
But maybe you don't see that
What do you think is wrong?
We don't talk anymore
And that's really bad
Cause it's taking us further apart
And will leave us in despair.
Talk to me, even if it's bad
One way or another we
Have to address the issues
We got to get this sorted.
Salagatle!
A lot has changed in the past 12 months, and more so in the past 6 months.
But more on this later.
For now, I'm please to say I have got the poetry bug back again. Some of it good, some of it "dark". It is a reflection of my soul!
This one I wrote for my best friend / brother, who was told end November 2014 that he has stage 4 Cancer, and basically he had weeks to live. After a grueling year of treatment, chemo, and the typical side effects that go with this, he is now 100% healed! I must add, he is a soldier for God, and his faith did not waiver for one minute. He had cancer of his glands, and bone marrow. The Isolation refers to the specific period, at the end of his treatment, where he had to be in isolation for 4 weeks. Prognosis was that 80% plus patients get an infection, and septicemia! If this happened, he would have to stay in hospital longer. Also, there were no guarantees that the treatment would work. Finally, he has no immediate family from where they could take "clean" blood to treat and put the cells into his system, so they farmed his blood, cleaned and treated it, took out the cells they needed, and transplanted it back into him. He is known as the miracle man at Groote Schuur hospital!
For now, I'm please to say I have got the poetry bug back again. Some of it good, some of it "dark". It is a reflection of my soul!
This one I wrote for my best friend / brother, who was told end November 2014 that he has stage 4 Cancer, and basically he had weeks to live. After a grueling year of treatment, chemo, and the typical side effects that go with this, he is now 100% healed! I must add, he is a soldier for God, and his faith did not waiver for one minute. He had cancer of his glands, and bone marrow. The Isolation refers to the specific period, at the end of his treatment, where he had to be in isolation for 4 weeks. Prognosis was that 80% plus patients get an infection, and septicemia! If this happened, he would have to stay in hospital longer. Also, there were no guarantees that the treatment would work. Finally, he has no immediate family from where they could take "clean" blood to treat and put the cells into his system, so they farmed his blood, cleaned and treated it, took out the cells they needed, and transplanted it back into him. He is known as the miracle man at Groote Schuur hospital!
Isolation
Twenty one
days in isolation
Just me, the
hospital staff
A
television, I-pad, cell phone
Just me, my
Bible, and God
Isolation,
it was a scary thought
Chemo,
tablets, pipes and things
No touching,
no contact
Just me, the
Word, and God
Reading,
Journaling, Praying, Trusting
Faith in my
Lord and saviour, Jesus
His hands on
my body, His words in my mind
Just me, God,
Jesus, and the Holy Spirit
Isolation,
time to reflect
Quiet time
to reflect
Time to
write, Time to repent
Time for God
Sick.
Vomiting. Pain. Needles. Pipes. Medicines
Cell
transplants. Infections. Bleeding. Pain.
Blood. Pain.
No sleep. Pray. Trust.
Just me, God
and Jesus
Daily blood
tests, more medication
Sore body,
no freedom from pain
Reading, and
reflecting
Praying,
just me and God
Isolation,
lonely days
Long nights,
no voices
No visits,
no noise
Silence,
just me and God.
And all this
time He is working
Healing my
body, healing my mind
And all this
time He is feeling my pain
Holding my
hand, guiding the doctors
Isolation,
alone.
No, never
alone
We were four
in that room
Me, God, my
Lord Jesus, and the Holy Spirit!
Salagatle!
Monday, September 01, 2014
And so it came to pass
I've officially resigned. FUCK! Middle aged, white male living in South Africa, and I resign my job before I have another one. That's probably dumb, but the alternative was to get so ill that it would kill me. No jokes.
I've been working since I was 16y and 4 months old. I'm 55. Have only been unemployed for a period of about 6 months whilst I was on a trip to Italy. Other than that - have always had an income. And I've never been in a situation where, when I wake up in the morning I actually have a panic attack, and throw up - just on the prospect of having to come to work.
FUCK!
So what happened? Well, as per my previous post, I'm not a good fit here. Management have their opinion / ideas, I have mine. If I can't implement mine, I don't believe I can fulfill my duty, so how the hell do we move forward? Easy, they get someone else who will be a yes man, and I go and do something else. Managed to negotiate that I work one months notice (this will be a looooong month), and they pay me one extra month as notice / severance. So basically, I'm kind of sorted till end October. And then the proverbial shit hits the fan.
The Princess is very supportive, but I'm not sure that she's handling it as well as she shows / says - it's probably her way of supporting me at this time.
I've been physically ill for about 10 weeks. Like stress pains in the gut (you guys have all had it at some point in time) but mine has been 254 hours a day! Wake up, throw up - start the day! No appetite... and losing interest in almost everything. No energy.... It's a serious fuckup!
Anyway, have sent my CV out to a couple of places - not holding my breath.
Yesterday the Princess and I went out for a drive, and to have lunch. Landed up at Gilroys (LIU). And there we bumped into a couple we have known for a long time, but have not really kept in touch with. We shared a table, and caught up on all the family stuff, and skinner.....
The guy tells me he's just been retrenched! I know he's been working for a good company for a long time, with a lot of travel into Africa, away from home a lot (earning USD), so he's done ok. Also tells me that with his retrenchment package he bought and paid for a place in Blobergstrand!!! (LIU). Not too shabby. Now he's going to be doing consulting work (is already into the game) and looks like he's going to be stationed in Mauritius! Really! And, best part, offered to chat to his boss about giving me a job!! Hell, I would work in Nigeria right now!
I really hope this comes off - not for the location, but the opportunity to work off shore (read tax free), earn USD ( Read x multiplied by 10!), and get my sanity and health back.
Reality check - In South Africa you have to be either Black (Previously Disadvantaged) to get a job (big salary, even if you don't know what you doing), or a graduate (preferably black, but....)
In Africa (outside of the RSA), big companies are looking for experience. They want guys who can do the job (no degree required), who have no small chidren to worry about / contend with, who are happy to work away from home for extended periods of time.......
The problem with this is that most times, this is solo - the wife does not / can't go with. But thee Princess and I have discussed it, and if this is what I have to do for 2 - 4 years to get ourselves into a better financial situation - well, that's what we have to do.
More to follow, I'm sure
Salagatle!
I've been working since I was 16y and 4 months old. I'm 55. Have only been unemployed for a period of about 6 months whilst I was on a trip to Italy. Other than that - have always had an income. And I've never been in a situation where, when I wake up in the morning I actually have a panic attack, and throw up - just on the prospect of having to come to work.
FUCK!
So what happened? Well, as per my previous post, I'm not a good fit here. Management have their opinion / ideas, I have mine. If I can't implement mine, I don't believe I can fulfill my duty, so how the hell do we move forward? Easy, they get someone else who will be a yes man, and I go and do something else. Managed to negotiate that I work one months notice (this will be a looooong month), and they pay me one extra month as notice / severance. So basically, I'm kind of sorted till end October. And then the proverbial shit hits the fan.
The Princess is very supportive, but I'm not sure that she's handling it as well as she shows / says - it's probably her way of supporting me at this time.
I've been physically ill for about 10 weeks. Like stress pains in the gut (you guys have all had it at some point in time) but mine has been 254 hours a day! Wake up, throw up - start the day! No appetite... and losing interest in almost everything. No energy.... It's a serious fuckup!
Anyway, have sent my CV out to a couple of places - not holding my breath.
Yesterday the Princess and I went out for a drive, and to have lunch. Landed up at Gilroys (LIU). And there we bumped into a couple we have known for a long time, but have not really kept in touch with. We shared a table, and caught up on all the family stuff, and skinner.....
The guy tells me he's just been retrenched! I know he's been working for a good company for a long time, with a lot of travel into Africa, away from home a lot (earning USD), so he's done ok. Also tells me that with his retrenchment package he bought and paid for a place in Blobergstrand!!! (LIU). Not too shabby. Now he's going to be doing consulting work (is already into the game) and looks like he's going to be stationed in Mauritius! Really! And, best part, offered to chat to his boss about giving me a job!! Hell, I would work in Nigeria right now!
I really hope this comes off - not for the location, but the opportunity to work off shore (read tax free), earn USD ( Read x multiplied by 10!), and get my sanity and health back.
Reality check - In South Africa you have to be either Black (Previously Disadvantaged) to get a job (big salary, even if you don't know what you doing), or a graduate (preferably black, but....)
In Africa (outside of the RSA), big companies are looking for experience. They want guys who can do the job (no degree required), who have no small chidren to worry about / contend with, who are happy to work away from home for extended periods of time.......
The problem with this is that most times, this is solo - the wife does not / can't go with. But thee Princess and I have discussed it, and if this is what I have to do for 2 - 4 years to get ourselves into a better financial situation - well, that's what we have to do.
More to follow, I'm sure
Salagatle!
Thursday, August 07, 2014
It's been a while since my last post
and much water has passed under the bridge. Suffice to say, everything has changed - nothing is the same.And for now, it seems, nothing will ever be the same again.
My General Manager job at PSSH ended at the end of September 2014. It just wasn't working out. The company couldn't pay me my salary on time, in fact, right now, they still owe me a part of my last months salary......
At the same time I was approached by another company, one that specialises in Rigging and Lifting equipment to come on board as the Sales and Marketing manager. No problem. I negotiated a reasonable salary, and started with them 01 Nov 2013.
The owner is a long time friend of mine, and he always said he wanted to get me to join his company. The position was right, I was happy to give it a shot.
Problem 1) I'm working for a "friend". Done that before (twice) - it does not work!
Problem 2) Their expectations, and my understanding - two different things.
Problem 3) Financially not viable (can't make up the salary in bonus when half the fucking country is on strike - so ends are not meeting)
Problem 4) It's not a good fit - I'm not family, I'm not a 10 years + employee, so much of what I do / think / say does not count - is not considered.
Problem 5) The next time someone (CEO / GM / HR) talk to me like I'm retarded, I'm out of here.....
So what am I doing?
Well, I'm going to be doing a on-line course soon, with a view to boost my earning (in my own time) by about 30 - 40 % / month (working 2 - 3 Saturday mornings), with a view to hopefully be fully self employed by the end of the year! Yup, done with this working for a boss!
However, today I got a call from a head hunter. He want's my CV to put in at EMC. They looking for an Enterprise Manager / Executive, to lead the sales team! I know it might be over my head, but hey, Why not try?
So that's me, in short, for now.
More to follow? We will see....
Salagatle!
My General Manager job at PSSH ended at the end of September 2014. It just wasn't working out. The company couldn't pay me my salary on time, in fact, right now, they still owe me a part of my last months salary......
At the same time I was approached by another company, one that specialises in Rigging and Lifting equipment to come on board as the Sales and Marketing manager. No problem. I negotiated a reasonable salary, and started with them 01 Nov 2013.
The owner is a long time friend of mine, and he always said he wanted to get me to join his company. The position was right, I was happy to give it a shot.
Problem 1) I'm working for a "friend". Done that before (twice) - it does not work!
Problem 2) Their expectations, and my understanding - two different things.
Problem 3) Financially not viable (can't make up the salary in bonus when half the fucking country is on strike - so ends are not meeting)
Problem 4) It's not a good fit - I'm not family, I'm not a 10 years + employee, so much of what I do / think / say does not count - is not considered.
Problem 5) The next time someone (CEO / GM / HR) talk to me like I'm retarded, I'm out of here.....
So what am I doing?
Well, I'm going to be doing a on-line course soon, with a view to boost my earning (in my own time) by about 30 - 40 % / month (working 2 - 3 Saturday mornings), with a view to hopefully be fully self employed by the end of the year! Yup, done with this working for a boss!
However, today I got a call from a head hunter. He want's my CV to put in at EMC. They looking for an Enterprise Manager / Executive, to lead the sales team! I know it might be over my head, but hey, Why not try?
So that's me, in short, for now.
More to follow? We will see....
Salagatle!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
MORE ON MY VIEWS ON RECYCLING
Following my last post on recycling, I got two comments back (from my usual readers- all of them!) I have edited them, and here they are for reference:-
Divemaster GranDad said...
Fishman said...
So, the reality is that as these resources become more scarce, and as the world recognizes that the continued poisoning of the environment cannot continue, the motivation for the recycling of product will grow.
In the example of tyres, from Fishman, the tyre manufacturers will be tasked to ensure that every tyre that is replaced is returned to them / a central collection point. The manufacturers could, in turn, elect a 3rd party at a central point and make them responsible for this. This would ensure greater numbers of old tyres coming to a single repository thereby making the next steps to recycling more cheaper, and viable. The permit to conduct business in country could be linked to the proof of recycling! I know it may impact on the cost of the tyre, but at least it will happen.
This might sound a bit out there,but consider the following:-
Olive oil manufacturers will soon have to be able to prove that they have disposed of the waste from their production in a controlled, and environmentally friendly manner. If not, they will be fined, and their production permit revoked! Yup, they have for years just dug the stuff back into the ground, thinking it would rot away, and become "compost". Well, guess what - it does not. In fact, the ground becomes so saturated with oil, that nothing will grow there again for a very, very long time!
Wine producers will be faced with the same problem with the waste product after they have pressed their wine. The waste, which used to be dug into the ground, has now been proven to raise acidity levels to beyond acceptable, and it is having a negative effect on the quality of the soil!
And so with most other products / manufacturers. Internationally, motor car manufacturers are being pressed to design their vehicles so that most of it can be recycled once it reaches end of life.
I know that for now it's going to be difficult to motivate, so, the powers that be will legislate. And maybe, in 3rd world countries they may be a bit relaxed about these issues, and some would say it would be difficult to police, but there are ways and means. Soon enough, it becomes the norm, as creating all this waste has become the norm.
Just my thoughts and opinion.
Salagatle!
That's the sad part of recycling. It's seen as expensive and thus not worth the time and effort. I think that if the right products are manufactured in the first place, recycling will be at a minimal straight away, but for any residual waste, that can be recycled easily. Unfortunately, humans are wasteful creatures that want maximum return on as little investment as possible, and damn the environment in the process.
But it also depends on the availability of the waste. If it is used in road construction for example, how will you get the it to the construction site? I know they had this idea to recycle used tyres to add to bitumen for road laying. But the transport cost did not make it viable.
In the example of tyres, from Fishman, the tyre manufacturers will be tasked to ensure that every tyre that is replaced is returned to them / a central collection point. The manufacturers could, in turn, elect a 3rd party at a central point and make them responsible for this. This would ensure greater numbers of old tyres coming to a single repository thereby making the next steps to recycling more cheaper, and viable. The permit to conduct business in country could be linked to the proof of recycling! I know it may impact on the cost of the tyre, but at least it will happen.
This might sound a bit out there,but consider the following:-
Olive oil manufacturers will soon have to be able to prove that they have disposed of the waste from their production in a controlled, and environmentally friendly manner. If not, they will be fined, and their production permit revoked! Yup, they have for years just dug the stuff back into the ground, thinking it would rot away, and become "compost". Well, guess what - it does not. In fact, the ground becomes so saturated with oil, that nothing will grow there again for a very, very long time!
Wine producers will be faced with the same problem with the waste product after they have pressed their wine. The waste, which used to be dug into the ground, has now been proven to raise acidity levels to beyond acceptable, and it is having a negative effect on the quality of the soil!
And so with most other products / manufacturers. Internationally, motor car manufacturers are being pressed to design their vehicles so that most of it can be recycled once it reaches end of life.
I know that for now it's going to be difficult to motivate, so, the powers that be will legislate. And maybe, in 3rd world countries they may be a bit relaxed about these issues, and some would say it would be difficult to police, but there are ways and means. Soon enough, it becomes the norm, as creating all this waste has become the norm.
Just my thoughts and opinion.
Salagatle!
Wednesday, April 03, 2013
EXCITING TIMES
A few years ago (2011) the company I now work for did some test work on a "waste " product, to see if it could be recycled.
Internationally this waste is either dumped in hazardous waste fill site, or used in the road building industry. In some countries that use some of it as an additive to the cement making industry. A couple of companies have come up with recycling plant / machines, but are very expensive, and so does not warrant the capital outlay (ROI sucks).
The test work done in our labs proved that with our technology (actually a couple of our various products are involved) can successfully recycle this product, with a 10 - 20% wastage.
Consider the following:-
Currently, the product is used once (maybe 2 or 3 times), then dumped. 100% replacement costs, plus disposal charges (which could be as much as the replacement costs per ton).
Now, with our plant - replacement costs is 10-20%, and disposal charges are 10-20% of original cost!
I just finished the calculations on a plant to process 60 Tons per day, and the ROI on this is 15 months! Thereafter, the running costs are minimal, maintenance minimal, and profits go through the roof.
Have spoken to 3 prospective clients, and had the same response form all 3 - WE WANT ONE!
So, will go to each one, get a sample of their product (waste) recycle it for them, have the university do tests on the product, and present same to the clients.
This could be even bigger than my shit machines - and because I picked up and ran with the project, its now in my portfolio!
Things are really looking up!!!
Salagatle!
Internationally this waste is either dumped in hazardous waste fill site, or used in the road building industry. In some countries that use some of it as an additive to the cement making industry. A couple of companies have come up with recycling plant / machines, but are very expensive, and so does not warrant the capital outlay (ROI sucks).
The test work done in our labs proved that with our technology (actually a couple of our various products are involved) can successfully recycle this product, with a 10 - 20% wastage.
Consider the following:-
Currently, the product is used once (maybe 2 or 3 times), then dumped. 100% replacement costs, plus disposal charges (which could be as much as the replacement costs per ton).
Now, with our plant - replacement costs is 10-20%, and disposal charges are 10-20% of original cost!
I just finished the calculations on a plant to process 60 Tons per day, and the ROI on this is 15 months! Thereafter, the running costs are minimal, maintenance minimal, and profits go through the roof.
Have spoken to 3 prospective clients, and had the same response form all 3 - WE WANT ONE!
So, will go to each one, get a sample of their product (waste) recycle it for them, have the university do tests on the product, and present same to the clients.
This could be even bigger than my shit machines - and because I picked up and ran with the project, its now in my portfolio!
Things are really looking up!!!
Salagatle!
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Waste - recycling - my opinion
Hi all - anyone still bother to read this? I know I have been bad at posting, but with the new job, less stress, and not much to bitch about, I didn't really have much to say.
I now have now found vigor for this blog, and you will find that my posts will take up a new look - one with positive messages, thoughts and ideas. That is, until I find something to bitch about.
So what has brought me here today? I passed a comment to a fellow employee today. We were discussing a comment I made in a presentation / document I am compiling for a new client set, in which I make a statement which is, as yet, unproven. However, I am also confident it cannot be refuted - hey, what can I say - that's me!
Basically, I am of the opinion that, apart from spent nuclear waste, there is NOTHING on this earth today, which is considered waste, which cannot be RECYCLED!
Seriously. I have done a mountain of research and read reams of papers, etc.on various subjects, relating to the work I now do, and every time I come across another new idea, invention, thought, which shows how / why something should be recycled.
In fact, I would go so far as to state that if we, as the intelligent species on this planet, had to institute rigorous recycling methods across all sectors / products, we could do away completely with dump sites!
We could probably extend the supportable life span of the earth by hundreds of years.
I would appreciate any comments, thoughts on this subject. Also, if you think of something you don't believe can be recycled, post it here - I will tell you how / why it can be!
That's it for now
Salagatle!
I now have now found vigor for this blog, and you will find that my posts will take up a new look - one with positive messages, thoughts and ideas. That is, until I find something to bitch about.
So what has brought me here today? I passed a comment to a fellow employee today. We were discussing a comment I made in a presentation / document I am compiling for a new client set, in which I make a statement which is, as yet, unproven. However, I am also confident it cannot be refuted - hey, what can I say - that's me!
Basically, I am of the opinion that, apart from spent nuclear waste, there is NOTHING on this earth today, which is considered waste, which cannot be RECYCLED!
Seriously. I have done a mountain of research and read reams of papers, etc.on various subjects, relating to the work I now do, and every time I come across another new idea, invention, thought, which shows how / why something should be recycled.
In fact, I would go so far as to state that if we, as the intelligent species on this planet, had to institute rigorous recycling methods across all sectors / products, we could do away completely with dump sites!
We could probably extend the supportable life span of the earth by hundreds of years.
I would appreciate any comments, thoughts on this subject. Also, if you think of something you don't believe can be recycled, post it here - I will tell you how / why it can be!
That's it for now
Salagatle!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Bad bad boy
I have been such a bad boy. No posts for more than a month - ah well, that's how it goes I suppose.... Now you know how I feel about going to check your posts, and finding nothing, day, after day, after day.....
So whats my excuse? I don't really have one, other than I have been seriously busy at my new job, having more fun than I thought was even possible!
I joined the new company at the General Manager fora new subsidiary - however, I am also the salesman, consultant, specialist, project manager, and anything else I need to be for now.
I have absolutely no regrets for leaving IBM. Nothing, nada, niente. In fact, I popped ion there the other day to see some of the guys and whilst there quickly felt the ominous depressive feelings coming back. That's how bad it was - no way I would have lasted another month.
More to follow - eventually.
Salagatle!
So whats my excuse? I don't really have one, other than I have been seriously busy at my new job, having more fun than I thought was even possible!
I joined the new company at the General Manager fora new subsidiary - however, I am also the salesman, consultant, specialist, project manager, and anything else I need to be for now.
I have absolutely no regrets for leaving IBM. Nothing, nada, niente. In fact, I popped ion there the other day to see some of the guys and whilst there quickly felt the ominous depressive feelings coming back. That's how bad it was - no way I would have lasted another month.
More to follow - eventually.
Salagatle!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)