3 guys - Irish, African, Boer get 3 wishes.
Irishman asks for forever fertile Ireland - and gets it.
African asks for all whites to be moved outside of Africa, and th continent to be surrounded by a massive wall, keeping them out. He gets it.
Boer asks "Tell me about this wall?" genie says, "500ft thick, 500 ft high. Nothing van get in, or out. Boer says - fill it with water!
Went to the doctor for annual checkup. He says the cause for my being overweight is:-
a) Alcohol,
b) Doing no exercises,
c) Eating too much!
I'm actually relieved, I was worried it was my own fault!
Sheila says to Bruce: I'm getting married.
Bruce: Pity man, I was hoping to get it together with you before you do.....
Sheila: I'm said I'm getting married - not leaving town!
Why do Bafana Bafana have a good chance of winning the 2010 World Cup?
They are getting a lot of training in with regards to beating foreigners on home soil......
And finally, my personal offering here:-
A few days ago they were discussing migraines and severe headaches on the radio. The host / presenter wanted to ask if migraines were in the genes, so could be carried over to offspring. However, she got muddled and asked can you inherit migraines?
I had this image in my mind:-
Picture a lawyers office. Sobbing relatives of the deceased standing / sitting around.
"To my wife (reading the will) I leave the poodle!
To my secretary the house, bonds, and bank accounts.
To my nephew who will never amount to anything, I bequeath my migraines!!!"
Salagatle!
LIU - Look It Up!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Final FIne Update
The Citizen ran the story! The Metro cop chief sed it's not their [problem, that part of the "business" is outsourced to a subcontractor. The subcontractor called me to find out about the problem, pointed then to their software. He sed he would try to replicate it. hasn't called back.
Salagatle!
Salagatle!
Cause it's Friday!
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking fora box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused,"Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came backwith a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own.......... so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
Salagatle!
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking fora box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused,"Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came backwith a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own.......... so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
Salagatle!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Based on serious abuse
of two fellow bloggers, via their comment links, by anonymous poster, I have decided to make my blog not accept any anon comments anymore. If you don't have the balls to post a form of traceable contact, then go spew your crap somewhere else.
To any of my regular commentators who might be put out by this - sorry.
Salagatle!
To any of my regular commentators who might be put out by this - sorry.
Salagatle!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
In a "He said - she said" scenario
I seem to have pissed some people off. Unwittingly I m9ight add. Mostly meant in humour, where I posted "F*&%", and "attacked" a comment! Had I been serious i would have posted "FUCK"! not the other version.
My official response is posted at the end.
Dark Raven said...
Hallo Fishman!
Luister budd, ek dink dis nou tyd dat jy die comments moderation anskakel, jy't hier n persbek wat hom tuismaak en soos n vark gedra...that won't do!
June 6, 2008 5:35 AM
Wreckless EuroAfrican bitches...
"Dark raven - who the f*&% r u to caqll me a "persbek"? F*&% you man!
Salagatle!"
Hi Wreckless,
My oh my...so forceful!
Did someone get out on the wrong side of the bed this morning?
Tell me something, what are you going on about...?
Please could you point out where in my comment did I refere to YOU (Wreckless)?
Let me just say, that it did not escape my (and others) attention, that this is not the first time you drop an ovary about some misunderstanding in the comments on your own part. You were most rude and full of shit to A2Z a while back, who is a regular and friendly reader to your blog, over something that YOU misconstrued. Let me also add here, that it furthermor did not go un-notice that there was never an apology forthcomming on your part either, so I will not hold my breath in anticipation of one either.
I replied to a disgusting anonymous comment about Fishmans mother and sister, it was the first comment posted to the thread on making biltong, was posted by the same anony reader who was throwing insults about the guys hunting. The comment was deleted by Fishman. Obviously before YOU got to see it. That is unless it was you who posted it anonymously...I mean, why else would you take such offence to my calling this anonypoes a 'persbek'?
Do you know what is a 'persbek'?
If that is not the case, then what prompted your uncalled for outburst beats me....as I was never referring to you, but an anonymous reader who hails from Tembisa, and posts similar comments to many other blogs I read. I know this, as I and some of the other blogs I link to have trackers, and we have followed this reader from the links on Eli's blog.
So I will overlook your rant this trip, and put it down to the day to day stresses of living in Mandelatopia and having to deal with thick as pig shit flappies 24/7...either that or a kak sleg hand at poker..
whatever. Get over yourself already...sheeeessss...if I want to kak all over you, I will make 100% sure YOU...Wreckless South African, know exactly where my venom is aimed.
As for fucking me... I don't know about that. You would need to have a very long salami to get it all the way over here. A man would need to be one helluva Italian Stallion...not a Macaroni Pony..
cheers
DR
9:56 PM
Wreckless Euroafrican replies :-
Yo, that whole comment was made in jest. I knew you were not talking about me - and presented a response which I thought would replicate the thoughts of whomever would take offense to it.
If I have offended you or anyone else, I apologies, publically!
As for the time I (according to you) offended A2Z - I do not recall it, however, A2Z, if you still read my crap, please accept my apology for that time (whenever it was).
I'm an easy going fellow (in most respects) always stuffing around, getting into peoples faces, but jokingly, and would not want to cause offense! (Well, you know when I do).
So, to all / any readers out there who have been offended, please view this as my public apology.
Salagatle!
My official response is posted at the end.
Dark Raven said...
Hallo Fishman!
Luister budd, ek dink dis nou tyd dat jy die comments moderation anskakel, jy't hier n persbek wat hom tuismaak en soos n vark gedra...that won't do!
June 6, 2008 5:35 AM
Wreckless EuroAfrican bitches...
"Dark raven - who the f*&% r u to caqll me a "persbek"? F*&% you man!
Salagatle!"
Hi Wreckless,
My oh my...so forceful!
Did someone get out on the wrong side of the bed this morning?
Tell me something, what are you going on about...?
Please could you point out where in my comment did I refere to YOU (Wreckless)?
Let me just say, that it did not escape my (and others) attention, that this is not the first time you drop an ovary about some misunderstanding in the comments on your own part. You were most rude and full of shit to A2Z a while back, who is a regular and friendly reader to your blog, over something that YOU misconstrued. Let me also add here, that it furthermor did not go un-notice that there was never an apology forthcomming on your part either, so I will not hold my breath in anticipation of one either.
I replied to a disgusting anonymous comment about Fishmans mother and sister, it was the first comment posted to the thread on making biltong, was posted by the same anony reader who was throwing insults about the guys hunting. The comment was deleted by Fishman. Obviously before YOU got to see it. That is unless it was you who posted it anonymously...I mean, why else would you take such offence to my calling this anonypoes a 'persbek'?
Do you know what is a 'persbek'?
If that is not the case, then what prompted your uncalled for outburst beats me....as I was never referring to you, but an anonymous reader who hails from Tembisa, and posts similar comments to many other blogs I read. I know this, as I and some of the other blogs I link to have trackers, and we have followed this reader from the links on Eli's blog.
So I will overlook your rant this trip, and put it down to the day to day stresses of living in Mandelatopia and having to deal with thick as pig shit flappies 24/7...either that or a kak sleg hand at poker..
whatever. Get over yourself already...sheeeessss...if I want to kak all over you, I will make 100% sure YOU...Wreckless South African, know exactly where my venom is aimed.
As for fucking me... I don't know about that. You would need to have a very long salami to get it all the way over here. A man would need to be one helluva Italian Stallion...not a Macaroni Pony..
cheers
DR
9:56 PM
Wreckless Euroafrican replies :-
Yo, that whole comment was made in jest. I knew you were not talking about me - and presented a response which I thought would replicate the thoughts of whomever would take offense to it.
If I have offended you or anyone else, I apologies, publically!
As for the time I (according to you) offended A2Z - I do not recall it, however, A2Z, if you still read my crap, please accept my apology for that time (whenever it was).
I'm an easy going fellow (in most respects) always stuffing around, getting into peoples faces, but jokingly, and would not want to cause offense! (Well, you know when I do).
So, to all / any readers out there who have been offended, please view this as my public apology.
Salagatle!
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