Email from Maxine - I love it!

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot (Hills) in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned due to the dog food contamination recently.
I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??

Salagatle!

09-05-2007

I had something in mind that I wanted to post today, and for the life of me I can't remember what it was. So this is it for now. Will be back later I'm sure.

Salagatle!

The Proteas - world champs - NOT

Although it hurts, this deserves posting.....

Eish, guess it's gonna take a while for this to wear off...

Q. What's the difference between Graeme Smith and Elton Johns chin?
A. Elton Johns chin hits more balls

Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. A South African batsman putting on sunscreen.

Q. What is the main function of the South African coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

Q. What's the South African version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.

Q. Why don't South African fielders need pre-tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.

Q. What's the South African version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped.

Q. What do you call an South African with 100 runs to his name?
A. A bowler.

Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Graeme
Smith?
A. His walk back to the pavilion.

Q. Who has the easiest job in the South African touring party?
A. The guy who removes the ball marks from the bats.

Q. What does Graeme Smith and a drug addict have in common??
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will
come from.

Q. Who spent the most time on the crease of anyone in the South African
touring party?
A. The lady who ironed the cricket uniforms.

Q. Why is Graeme Smith cleverer than Houdini?
A. Because he can get out without even trying.

Salagatle!

To tie or not to tie

I have a collection of ties - yes neck ties (I collect anything!) which I have decided to dispose of. So I'm going to find out what the postal charges are to various part of the world, then I'm going to get one of those pay pal things, open another Blogg (with a link to this one) and see if I can get them sold - it will be on a donation basis - but with the added benefit that the donor will receive, free of charge and with no strings attaches, a used, good condition, second hand tie... probably one he wouldn't be able to get anywhere else, and many of which are really collectors items.

More to follow on this latest fund raising scheme of mine......

Salagatle!

Foreign Legion

So I attended a 21st this past Saturday. Lot's of people there, and quite a spread. They must have spent more on this girl's 21st, than I spent on my wedding. However, that's not the point.

Whilst there I was finally introduced to a french man about whom I have heard various stories over the past 15 years - yes, 15. he's extremely wealthy, is an ex mercenary with stories (which he won't tell) which will make grown men cry, and would make security officials very afraid.

Anyway, he's a genuine French man, polite, genteel, well spoken, drinks Cappies & Coke.... smokes cigars.
Apparently he got some really shoddy / poor / bad service from a Vodacom outlet at a shopping center known as Bedford center. So bad in fact, that he went away, BOUGHT THE FUCKING BUILDING, and proceeded to double the rent to that particular store!!!

Now, doesn't that just warm the cockles of your heart!!!

Salagatle!

PAP

Funny thing this Africa...

There is an institution called the Pan African Parliament (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pan-African_Parliament).

They meet every so often to discuss various issues (and pour praises on Mugabe), drink a lot, eat too much, and cause chaos on the highway with their motorcades, don't pay their levies, piss off for another 3 - 6 months. The idea is that eventually they will create a United States of Africa / African Union - very original these guys.

Anyway, the reason why I mention this is that they go by the acronym PAP - even the chick on the TV news, and one on the radio uses the acronym. Now why is this funny / strange, well, because the staple diet of 100 million starving / undernourished Africans is... yea, pap!!!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pap_%28food%29

It's made of ground maize (white) and water, and is probably best described as a close relative to the Italian - Polenta.

Say no more....

Salagatle!