You gotta love this....

MY WEEK AT THE GYM:
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary:
For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife, Jeanette (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the Hermanus health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on
my school rugby team 25yrs ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to
chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was something of a Greek goddess with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!!!! She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, Although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whines that is VERY annoying. My chest hurts when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl I couldn't help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to workout with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine-which I sank.

FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleading bitch. If there were a part of my body could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the*&%#(#&** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, my wife, Jeanette(the bitch), will choose a gift for me that is fun --like a root canal or a vasectomy!!

Salagatle!

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH

Stupid people, with
Stupid statements, In
Positions of power
None the less

Driving the business
Probably to destruction
Or maybe an assignment
Overseas

Meantime I'm stressing
Can't get to addressing
The issues which
Affect me so bad

It's a hopeless
Situation, with
No way out
Not for me anyway

Middle aged White Male
Living in Africa
Unemployable,
Nearly Extinct

Salagatle

Another day from hell.....

My day yesterday was another day from hell. I just cannot seem to get through one meeting with the management without losing my cool. And all they can say is "There's no need to raise your voice!" Well, stop being so fucking stupid, and I won't have to raise my bloody voice. I cannot believe that this whole operation revolves around pipeline, signings, revenue, and stupid fucking managers. To hell with customer satisfaction, and actually delivering something against an already signed contract. Oh, no, that's deliveries problem, not ours. Well hello! I have to face the fucking client, who's pissed off cause he's got nothing to show for his money as yet, and there's no fucking way he will sign anything else with me till there is something delivered!!!

For Fuck Sake!

I spent 15 minutes explaining why we could only see a certain client middle of January. 20 Minutes later I get told to please ensure I set up a meeting with this client this week! Oh, do me a fucking favour, and tell him what? My boss says I must meet with you now cause she does not want me to wait till January? And who cares if it does not suit you Mr. Customer, you don't fucking matter here anyway!!!

What a shithole. I can't resign cause I can't get another job, but dammit I wish they would offer me a package.....

Salagatle!

The project

No, not yet.... 0ne week to go....

Salagatle!