And from Brian - my own Barry Hilton (look it up)
European Terror Alert Status Update
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate."
The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
FRENCH PEACEKEEPING FORCE FOR LEBANON SOME OBSERVATIONS ......
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
--Mark Twain
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"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
--General George S. Patton
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"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf
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"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
--Marge Simpson
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"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
--Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
--Rush Limbaugh
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"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--Regis Philbin
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"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
-- John McCain , U.S. Senator from Arizona
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"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
--David Letterman
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"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada."
--Ted Nugent
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"War without France would be like ... World War II."
--Unknown
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"The favourite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'"
--Tom Brokaw
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"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
--Dennis Miller
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"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us."
--Alan Kent
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"They've taken their own precautions against al-Q'aida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
--Argus Hamilton
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"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"
--Rep. Roy Blunt, MO
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"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq "
--Dennis Miller
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Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
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"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried."
--Rep. R. Blount, MO
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"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII?
And that's because it was raining."
--John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv
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French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.
Salagatle!
