A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says "Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says
"Fucccccccccck dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"
Salagatle!
LIU - Look It Up!
Friday, May 26, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Some humour for the needy....
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced tenty one?
12. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
18. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
19. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
20. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mimer next door went nuts.
21. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
22. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
23. OK ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
24. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea. Does that mean that one enjoys it?
Salagatle!
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced tenty one?
12. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
18. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
19. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
20. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mimer next door went nuts.
21. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
22. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
23. OK ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
24. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea. Does that mean that one enjoys it?
Salagatle!
Men don't lie... they reason....
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down in the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
"Yes", he replied.
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, "Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don't want her to share me with anyone, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.. MOSTLY his wife!
Salagatle!
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down in the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
"Yes", he replied.
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked. "Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, "Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don't want her to share me with anyone, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.. MOSTLY his wife!
Salagatle!
The evil around us
It grieves me to admit
That I've been talking shit
That evil deeds know no
colour, country or creed.
However I must say
that there must be a way
for us to sort the rabble
from within our midst
We need to be more conscious
of what our neighbours do
We need to keep an eye on
those foreigners too!
My personal opinion
is that it's worse out here
but maybe that's because
it's so near?
So, whatever your opinion
please keep an open mind
take it from whence it comes
I'm sure some truth you will find!
Salagatle!
That I've been talking shit
That evil deeds know no
colour, country or creed.
However I must say
that there must be a way
for us to sort the rabble
from within our midst
We need to be more conscious
of what our neighbours do
We need to keep an eye on
those foreigners too!
My personal opinion
is that it's worse out here
but maybe that's because
it's so near?
So, whatever your opinion
please keep an open mind
take it from whence it comes
I'm sure some truth you will find!
Salagatle!
Do you ever get SMS's from
numbers you don't recognise?
So it's 10:52:45 pm, last night and I get this SMS on the cellphone. It reads " My wife helen had a little girl."
So I reply "Congratulations!!!!!"
and then I send another reply saying "Who are you?", as I didn't recognise the number on the screen. A very long, obviously international number.......
The reply comes back "Kirk"
KIRK!!!! Well then, I replied "Hey, fucking well done then boyo! Damn proud of you! Cheers! Have one on me!!!"
Kirk a friend who decided to try his luck in Ireland a few years ago. Is doing well, me some chick (who had some kids of her own already), married her, and now has an ankle biter of his own. Damn I am happy for him. Nice of him to remember me, and still have my contact details to boot! So, he's a dad, and I'm so happy for him.
Just thought you all would like to know.
Salagatle!
So it's 10:52:45 pm, last night and I get this SMS on the cellphone. It reads " My wife helen had a little girl."
So I reply "Congratulations!!!!!"
and then I send another reply saying "Who are you?", as I didn't recognise the number on the screen. A very long, obviously international number.......
The reply comes back "Kirk"
KIRK!!!! Well then, I replied "Hey, fucking well done then boyo! Damn proud of you! Cheers! Have one on me!!!"
Kirk a friend who decided to try his luck in Ireland a few years ago. Is doing well, me some chick (who had some kids of her own already), married her, and now has an ankle biter of his own. Damn I am happy for him. Nice of him to remember me, and still have my contact details to boot! So, he's a dad, and I'm so happy for him.
Just thought you all would like to know.
Salagatle!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
But Africa - It owns your soul!
What is it with this continent
This wretched place of crime
This evil space between the seas
This land of Negroid slime?
We wonder at it's beauty
And rip it's guts right out
We feed the hungry masses
And still they shout
There is no end to breeding
no end to all it's pain
although it's self inflicted
The means and end are the same
No responsibility or ownership of law
Only fleeing, hungry millions
Going to the European shore
Begging, begging for more
We talk about leaving
Going to places safe
We talk of leaving this evil
Of starting up again
What is it with this continent
With it's people and begging bowl
I think it's just that once you're here
Africa own's your soul!
Despotic rulers sow mayhem
And cry foul to their colonial past
Blaming the white man for all the evils
Into eternity, It'll always be their fault.
But when all is said and done
I know this to be true
You can leave this dark continent
But Africa - It owns your soul.
Salagatle!
This wretched place of crime
This evil space between the seas
This land of Negroid slime?
We wonder at it's beauty
And rip it's guts right out
We feed the hungry masses
And still they shout
There is no end to breeding
no end to all it's pain
although it's self inflicted
The means and end are the same
No responsibility or ownership of law
Only fleeing, hungry millions
Going to the European shore
Begging, begging for more
We talk about leaving
Going to places safe
We talk of leaving this evil
Of starting up again
What is it with this continent
With it's people and begging bowl
I think it's just that once you're here
Africa own's your soul!
Despotic rulers sow mayhem
And cry foul to their colonial past
Blaming the white man for all the evils
Into eternity, It'll always be their fault.
But when all is said and done
I know this to be true
You can leave this dark continent
But Africa - It owns your soul.
Salagatle!
Another day, same crappola!
I am being tested to my absolute limits..... Management is never in / available. Back office support is pathetic / useless at best. Clients are now waiting upto 3 weeks for pricing. I have had 3 price releases for one quote, each one stopped before I can forward same to the client. Each time another excuse. The client is so tired of my excuses there is no way he can believe me anymore. The exec's don't want to give me time in their calendar. I wonder if anyone would notice if I just stopped coming to the office?
I have at least 3 big opportunities in hand, which I am reluctant to pursue as there does not seem to be any point. Which also means I won't be making my targets, and hence will not be earning commission, and so my financial status keeps going backwards.
Ahh, the joys of being a middle aged white male living in Africa........
Salagatle!
I have at least 3 big opportunities in hand, which I am reluctant to pursue as there does not seem to be any point. Which also means I won't be making my targets, and hence will not be earning commission, and so my financial status keeps going backwards.
Ahh, the joys of being a middle aged white male living in Africa........
Salagatle!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
23 May 2006
The Princess has given her blessing. So the CV went off last night. Now we wait and see. She's keen to go with if need be, but I think for the kids it will be better if she stays here..... Schools and sports and music and friends, and what will we do with the house?
Not going to sell it, thats for sure.
Went to below zero Celcius last night. Was verrrry cold. Today's not so bad though.
Had an interesting meeting this morning with some guys from a sister division. And I thought we were ripping off the customer! They took our price to them and uplifted it by about 65%! and then gave it to the client, and were surprised when he told them to piss off!!! Hahaha.
Fools.
There's a blogg I read regularly (for those who don't already go there link attached)
http://cnut.blogspot.com/
This guy is awesome. The stuff he writes about, and the way he describes the world through his eyes makes for some very funny reading. Go visit him. Comment. He is good.
Another favourite of mine is
http://jennymayontheloose.blogspot.com/
Jenny is sweet. Writes well. Takes most things in her stride, except for some of my more outrageous (tounge in cheek) comment. Good for a read though. Support her.
This guy writes well. Just not often enough.
http://dmdad.blogspot.com/
But when he writes it's worth reading. Also responds well to comments. Typically read "Stand up and identify yourself, fuckwit... ". It's worth the time.......
And finally, a local Blogger who has interesting stuff, mostly related to his local news rag
http://seamanrbay.blogspot.com/
Well, as can be seen / read, I'm a bit short on ideas. Seems I have hit a wall (writers block?), but I'm sure to get back up to speed soon.
SOMEONE , SOMWHERE IS GOING TO PISS ME OFF AND THEN....................
Salagatle!
Not going to sell it, thats for sure.
Went to below zero Celcius last night. Was verrrry cold. Today's not so bad though.
Had an interesting meeting this morning with some guys from a sister division. And I thought we were ripping off the customer! They took our price to them and uplifted it by about 65%! and then gave it to the client, and were surprised when he told them to piss off!!! Hahaha.
Fools.
There's a blogg I read regularly (for those who don't already go there link attached)
http://cnut.blogspot.com/
This guy is awesome. The stuff he writes about, and the way he describes the world through his eyes makes for some very funny reading. Go visit him. Comment. He is good.
Another favourite of mine is
http://jennymayontheloose.blogspot.com/
Jenny is sweet. Writes well. Takes most things in her stride, except for some of my more outrageous (tounge in cheek) comment. Good for a read though. Support her.
This guy writes well. Just not often enough.
http://dmdad.blogspot.com/
But when he writes it's worth reading. Also responds well to comments. Typically read "Stand up and identify yourself, fuckwit... ". It's worth the time.......
And finally, a local Blogger who has interesting stuff, mostly related to his local news rag
http://seamanrbay.blogspot.com/
Well, as can be seen / read, I'm a bit short on ideas. Seems I have hit a wall (writers block?), but I'm sure to get back up to speed soon.
SOMEONE , SOMWHERE IS GOING TO PISS ME OFF AND THEN....................
Salagatle!
Monday, May 22, 2006
The call of the Sultanate of Oman....
I found an ad in the Sunday paper for job opportunities in Dubai. Basically I would be doing what I do now, or one place up and be an Account Manager / Client Rep.
Pay in USD. Medical Aid, schooling facilities for the kids, car allowance, home leave ticket, etc. Tax FREE! Great.
Only I probably would go alone. Not sure if I would want to take the family to this place. Information says that there is not much to do, and sports non existent, etc. But I could earn a whack of USD. Tax FREE!
SO, tomorrow my CV goes off. With a bit of luck I'll get the job. Not sure if I want it but.....
Everything will change. The Princess will have to cope alone with the kids. Looking after the home. Taking care of herself here...... I won't be able to pop off to the local for a Coke, friends will disappear. It's a big move. But I'm left with almost no choice......
Yup, I will become a migrant worker. I will sell my freedom for the USD. 24 months and I'll probably have enough to come back and start something of my own. Hell, this is a harder decision than when I had to decide to get married! (Hehe)
Will discuss with the Princess tonight. And send off the CV tomorrow....
Salagatle!
Pay in USD. Medical Aid, schooling facilities for the kids, car allowance, home leave ticket, etc. Tax FREE! Great.
Only I probably would go alone. Not sure if I would want to take the family to this place. Information says that there is not much to do, and sports non existent, etc. But I could earn a whack of USD. Tax FREE!
SO, tomorrow my CV goes off. With a bit of luck I'll get the job. Not sure if I want it but.....
Everything will change. The Princess will have to cope alone with the kids. Looking after the home. Taking care of herself here...... I won't be able to pop off to the local for a Coke, friends will disappear. It's a big move. But I'm left with almost no choice......
Yup, I will become a migrant worker. I will sell my freedom for the USD. 24 months and I'll probably have enough to come back and start something of my own. Hell, this is a harder decision than when I had to decide to get married! (Hehe)
Will discuss with the Princess tonight. And send off the CV tomorrow....
Salagatle!
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